Trending: sleep, amoxicillin, Brazil, slugs, spiders, animal rescue, pizza, goat cheese, string cheese, zombies.
Following: every slow driver at 8:32 am, the Real Housewives of Anywhere, domestic and international headlines – nope, the gist of what you’re saying – probably not.
Followers: the Nespresso Customer Satisfaction guy, 1-800-Contacts, my dentist.
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Who stole my Let’s Be Frank Frequent Frank Hotdog Card?
I found it. Everyone on Twitter be calm.
A double ear-infection is not Chinese for double happiness.
Come Mr. Tallyman, tally me some shut-eye! 6-hr, 7-hr, 8-hr BUNCH! Daylight come and me want to say in bed.
Did the instagram of the slug come through? You, @BarackObama, can you click on it and let me know?
And I say this as a word of warning: do not rub a slug’s belly. And do not wipe mom’s windows with the slug’s belly. #slugboogers #turpentine
Did my last tweet go through? You, @azizansari, you follow me right? Check my tweet would you? Wait – are you the same @azizansari that’s on that televi
Did that go through? Is this posting? Can anyone see my words? @TamingInsanity, stop what you’re doing and fix the Twitter.
Tell me honestly, people, why won’t you play Karaoke Hot Potato with me? ”Lady In Red.” BOOM! Your turn.
Anything by Aretha Franklin. GO! #KaraokeHotPotato
“It’s Just Another Manic Monday.” SHAZAM. #KaraokeHotPotato
Mimi just ate the last green frosted cookie. I say “That’s okay, Mimi,” but I’m going through the bends because I’m a scuba diver in the sea of sugar withdrawal.
He says “I flew 15 hours in first class” like it’s a bad thing. #naps #reading #movies #nochildren
In Brazil, you say “agua de beber” and “corcovado” and “desafinado” but if the Girl From Ipanima lays her hands on you, I will rip your corazon from your cold dead body.
Mr. My Passport Is Fuller Than Yours returns! Here’s the grocery list: green frosted cookies.
“I Believe In A Thing Called Love.” KARATE CHOP! @SamChampion – you’re in the eye of the #KaraokeHotPotato Hurricane, go! #stillno?
It’s 2:00 am. Are you out there, Twitter? It’s me. Mom of La Mancha. And La Mancha is a pig sty.
#FF @PepperidgeFarm @usweekly @StefanosPizza @MimiGodsend @Green40withhighfructosecornsyrup @pbskids
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