Following The Leader

Like Fleetwood Mac sans love triangle, I have always prided myself on going my own way.

And while this did not work to my advantage in middle or high school – as evidenced by my self-choreographed solo to The Bobs singing The Beatles in the dance team spring show – my Shock-and-Awe Campaign is finally paying off.

As an adult, being different is valued.  Or at least not openly ridiculed.

Breaking into song, dance or accent is “creative.”  Writing is “artistic.”

In fact, going the opposite direction of the herd is what I enjoy doing most and I can’t wait to teach my son the fine art of being true to himself.

But the unspeakable has happened.

Something so disturbing, so embarrassing, that I have to cuff myself, head to the local precinct of judgement, and confess.


And not only that.


In my defense, the Uggs are as soft as a new born Beiber.  They are like slipping on a pair of clouds and walking around heaven.  They are warm and snuggly and make my legs feel thinner than they are.

As for the track suit, there’s really no excuse except for the fact that I place a premium on an expandable waistline.

When I secretly, apologetically, tried the Uggs on at the department store, my first thought was:  what the hell took me so long?

My second thought:  HOLY SHIT.  THE MASSES WERE RIGHT.

And if the masses were right about the Uggs, what else are they right about?  Facebook?  Exfoliating?  Taylor Swift?

NO!  My whole world is shifting, I feel dizzy with deception.  I mean, how can conformity be wrong when my feet feel so right?

Wait a second.

I think I can spin this in my favor.

I will wear the Uggs as a supreme gesture of counter-ridicule.  They will be a joke on US Weekly trends.  Ha!  I laugh at you stupid Ugg-wearers! These things on my feet are merely a symbol of what lemmings you are!

Okay, I’m breathing easier now.  The panic has subsided.  All will be well.  I will continue to forge ahead on my independent-minded path – a path made so much more comfortable with the right shoes.

But rest assured:  you will never find me pairing the Uggs and the track suit together on a first-class flight to London.

I mean, what would the paparazzi say?

37 Responses to Following The Leader
  1. Kimberly
    October 11, 2010 | 7:39 pm

    For the love of all things holy…you conformed. And like it. Gasp. I will not lie, I have been tempted by them. I see them taunting me, begging me to try them but I resist. My willpower is strong. However I do own a velour pair of pants and they are like a warm fuzzy comfortable hug.

  2. Yuliya
    October 11, 2010 | 8:25 pm

    Oh girl I caved last year. And please don’t wear them with shorts when it’s 90 degrees out.

  3. mommakiss
    October 11, 2010 | 9:38 pm

    Ok listen here. I have Uggs. They are UGLY. But I totes agree, comfy as a fat suit that you can chill in all the live long day. AND, I have 2 velour track suits. Maybe 4. Or 7. Whatthefuckever. They’re the “uniform” of my weekend. I’m not a jeans person (unless we’re going to the circus, and I need to impress clowns – then I wear my skinny jeans and show off my crack).

    ANYWAY. I’m with you. More power to ya – comfort over fashion, my friend.

    too much?

  4. Nichole
    October 11, 2010 | 10:21 pm

    I am so in love with you right now.
    I’ve been wanting a pair of Uggs for years, but I’ve resisted.
    Now? Now that you’ve thrown caution to the wind? I’m feeling inspire to follow in your brave footsteps!
    Seriously, you are my hero!

  5. Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him
    October 11, 2010 | 10:41 pm

    I own them…I think we all do. Just don’t wear with or during the following:
    – the velour trackies
    – mini skirts
    – red one piece bathing suits
    – while holding a super grande, extra whip, double mocha frappucinno

  6. suburbancorrespondent
    October 11, 2010 | 11:19 pm

    Facebook is sort of fun. Try it – you won’t regret it.

  7. Kelley
    October 12, 2010 | 2:40 am

    You are so funny! I can “see” you totally being independent despite following a trend. You will look like you started the trend. Am I right? Those boots DO look comfortable so maybe I WILL follow the leader & go try some on soon!

    BTW, thanks again for the blog award! I am flattered that THE flying chalupa would give one to ME. Youda bomb! I will probably blog about it on Wednesday…

  8. Vodka and Ground Beef
    October 12, 2010 | 3:28 am

    Soft as a new born Bieber.

    I cannot get over this line. HI-LARIOUS.

  9. Thoughts Appear
    October 12, 2010 | 7:46 am

    I’m with Vodka and GB…I love that line.

    Since you bought Uggs, I’m going to buy them, too. I like conforming with nonconformists.

  10. moMmakiss
    October 12, 2010 | 8:57 am

    I just got a little distracted by Vodka & Ground Beef’s screen name. I mean. Vodka & Ground Beef? Brilliant. Anyway. Here to apologize for being such a dumbass last night. Comment delay. I’ma moron.

  11. Cecelia Winesap
    October 12, 2010 | 9:28 am

    I had this same feeling when I watched American Idol for the first time. It was the season which had Adam Lambert on it, so I felt justified in watching that particular season. However, I found myself watching the season after that and knew I had crossed over.

  12. Lanita
    October 12, 2010 | 10:25 am

    I’ve always wondered why they are called Uggs. Is it because they are ugly with a capital “U”?

    Nonconformity it good. It got me strange looks in high school, but now it gives me compliments such as, “Wow, Elliott. Your mom is so cool!”

  13. Bethany
    October 12, 2010 | 11:37 am

    My kid had a velour track suit in a size 2T. We called it his pimp suit. I miss it. Wish I could find one in a 4T. We’d have to change his name to Usher or Deshawn or something, but that’s easy enough.

  14. Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points
    October 12, 2010 | 11:40 am

    I know your pain.

    Imagine my counter-culture, different-drummer angst when I started…tweeting.


    Not so loud!

    Most of my in-person friends don’t know.

    And we’re not telling.

    ARE WE?

    Or I am going public with the Uggs.

    Do we understand each other?

  15. alyson: common sense, dancing
    October 12, 2010 | 11:57 am

    I make no apologies for Uggs. They’re ugly, and I love them. Sort of like they way one feels about their own newborn, Bieber or not.

    I wear them to the bus stop with flannel shorts and a tank top pajama ensemble, with a hoodie thrown on if the morning air is chilly on my untamed head.

    It’s simply an added bonus that the 14 year old shakes her head in silent shame.

  16. Alexandra
    October 12, 2010 | 2:58 pm

    Oh, sweet chalupa,

    if that is the worst of your sins on this planet, then God bless you, sweet girl.

    Ugg away, honey, Ugg away.

  17. Tiffany
    October 12, 2010 | 2:59 pm

    so, i need to get a job–not just for benefits and avoiding food stamps–but so i can have some extra cash so that i can fly to some obscure state and hang out with you. i’m so against the masses. when everyone was into backstreet boys and chumbawumba (did i just say that?) i was all with my nose in the air like ‘i listen to mos def and tribe called quest. i’m pretty sure that makes me better than you.’
    i avoided facebook for years, twitter–pfft!, and would be the first to say ‘i see you’re rockin your UGGlies’ to a friend. because i’m nice like that.

    now, i’m on FB, the twat, and the other day mentioned to the husband that my graduation gift to myself will be–drum roll, please– UGGs.


  18. Pop
    October 12, 2010 | 3:01 pm

    I bought my wife a pair of Uggs last year after trying to purchase a knock-off.

    And I will confidently say, you will never, ever see me in a pair of Uggs or Crocs. Velour Track suit? Only when I’m about to break dance battle.

  19. Alex@LateEnough
    October 12, 2010 | 3:06 pm

    I gave in last Christmas and justified it with: they are funky Uggs that can be worn three different ways of warm mushy goodness. Plus, no socks in the winter is totally nonconformist!

  20. Ann's Rants
    October 12, 2010 | 3:08 pm

    New. Born. BIEBER!!!

  21. KLZ
    October 12, 2010 | 3:31 pm

    We all have our moments. As long as you don’t start jumping into the bump-it fad, I think you’re cool.

    (PS would you still be friends with me if I got a bump-it?)

  22. Joy
    October 12, 2010 | 3:38 pm

    I felt the same way when I bought a pair of Crocs this summer. Hey, if you can justify it with the fact that it is uber-comfortable then all is good.

  23. annie
    October 12, 2010 | 4:57 pm

    you don’t have a puppy in a purse though do you?

  24. The Barreness
    October 12, 2010 | 5:20 pm

    I fel similarly when I first saw Glee.

    I felt dirty and angry and in need of a cigarette.

    Oh wait. That was when I first saw the Spaniard.

    I don’t think I’ve ever seen Glee.

    – B x

  25. Wendi
    October 12, 2010 | 6:25 pm

    Yeah, you’re wearing them “ironically.” Just like I only wear my Spanx because I’m in on the joke.


  26. Sherri
    October 12, 2010 | 7:38 pm

    I gasped a bit when you said you bought UGGS. Then I felt a bit giddy when you said they make your legs feel thinner than they really are. So now I want some too.

    Comfy is a way of life; embrace it. Now if we start to see your face popping up on Facebook in the velour track suit AND uggs, we may have to do an intervention.

  27. Ash
    October 12, 2010 | 10:36 pm

    But how are they going to look with your jeggings, because you know that’s what comes next, right?

    Newborn Bieber. Awesome.

  28. amber
    October 12, 2010 | 11:01 pm

    The phrase “new born bieber” totally makes up for any Ugg wearing. Awesome sauce, that’s what that is.

    P.S. I tried on a pair of jeggings today. I am ashamed.

  29. Booyah's Momma
    October 13, 2010 | 12:28 am

    Velour track suits are nothing to be ashamed of. Except if they have the words JUICY emblazoned across the butt. Or if you wear them with the Uggs. But you already said that last part.

  30. Poppy
    October 13, 2010 | 1:29 am

    I’ve given plenty as gifts, but never purchased a pair for myself. I associate them more with pole dancing that I do lucite heels. Maybe because they make me think of reality TV favorites such as Kendra Wilkinson, Denise Richards, or any Kardashian. My 12 year old does lover her Uggs, maybe I’ll slip my foot in and give the newborn Bieber a once over and judge for myself.

  31. Brenda
    October 13, 2010 | 11:48 am

    Nonconformity rules! Although there is something to be said for comfy footwear. I may need to conform, as well.

  32. tulpen
    October 13, 2010 | 4:26 pm

    I have no opinion about UGGS. If I needed a pair of boots, which I don’t, I would likely consider their furry goodness.

    I do however have a strong opinion of velour track suits. I want one. Or several. Badly. Sue Sylvester is my hero. I want to be just like her when I grow up.

  33. Tracie
    October 13, 2010 | 6:58 pm

    I have been very tempted by the Uggs.

    I’m still holding out though.

    Don’t have the velour track suit either.

    But facebook…..I’m an addict. No question about it.

  34. poppycock
    October 14, 2010 | 2:45 pm

    Uggs? UGGS!? Now wait a goldurn minute here. I just got a pair of Doc Martins because I heard THEY were the “in” item this year.

  35. Tonya
    October 15, 2010 | 12:53 pm

    Should you decide to start a Taylor Swift campaign may I suggest: giving props to Kanye West instead? Simply run up to folks on their cell phones, grab them away and yell into the receiver: “Beyonce was robbed bitches!” Not only do you avoid Taylor Swift and probably Taylor Lautner (because really they are the same person) but you make friends.

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