The Today Show's Special On Organic Pet Food: Oh. My. God. That shih tzu is ADORABLE. My blood pressure is going down just looking at it. Do I need a shih tzu? Here I was thinking I was an animal-hater all these years. Sob! The Lady Watering Her Lawn In Snakeskin Jeggings: RAGE! Rage against the ...
Category Archives: Motherhood
Postpartum Post Card #1
OCCUPY BOOB STREET It's the eternal battle of the 99% vs. the 1%, THE OWNER OF ALL THE MILK IN THE LAND. Mini-Chimi: It ain't fair, I tell ya. And I'm camping out on her chest until she concedes. The 1%: I've conceded! The land of milk and honey - okay, no honey until 18 months? ...
Guesty Monday: A Push Present By Any Other Name
So my Lactation Leave has officially begun. For the next month or so, I'll be featuring a guest post every Monday and a Post-Partum Postcard from me later in the week. You know. With tips on how to latch. Be it to a boob, beer bottle, or vat of Nutella. Thank you so much to Julie from
The Heir And The Spare
THIS JUST IN: The ultrasound lady who saw the baby's scrotum five times was, in fact, correct. I gave birth to a scrotum attached to the most adorable baby boy last week and as my mother predicted, I am EXACTLY like Princess Diana was with her two little princes: The night nurse! The wet nurse! The royal chef! The nannies! The maids! The ...
Rock of Ages Potty Training: Unreleased Singles
THE POTTY * Simon & Garfunkel's introduction: "Bridge Over Troubled Water" * Dionne Warwick's plea for safety: "I Say A Little Prayer (That You Won't Fall In)" * James Brown's cost-saving ditty: "Have Mercy Baby (Don't Use The Whole Roll)" THE FLUSH * Aretha Franklin's sewer ballad: "(Underground) Freeway Of Love" * Abba's judgemental ode: "Chiquitita (You and I Know Who ...
Third Trimester Geology
1. PANGEA: You have become the largest single land mass. Ever. 2. (IN)CONTINENTAL DRIFT: Gap is having a sale on cotton panties. Size: XL Continent. 3. (PELVIC) FLOOR SPREADING: Please refer to kegel abilities. 4. HOT SPOTS: Namely, you. You overheated beast. 5. CONVECTION CURRENTS: The emotional Viking Range: turned ON. 6. OCEANIC TRENCH: Are you ...
It’s Called Motherf*cking Nesting, Bitch
Unpacking onesies two-by-two - Expanding from 1 to 2-Live-Crew Where those booties at? Where those booties at? Getcho ass off the couch and find the co-sleeper, yo! Back is best! (Baby got) Back is best, bro. (That's what she said. The pediatrician, fo sho.) So outta my way I got the organizing itch, outta my way IT'S CALLED MOTHERFUCKING NESTING, BITCH! Yeah, Swaddlemaster ...
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Click To Order "The Ruins Of Us"
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Jen @ Blue Yonder Design 
