It's hard living under a rock. Mainly because it's heavy, but also because it really puts a cramp in my social media life. Before you pass judgement, it's not as if I live in the Dark Ages. I do get a small modicum of filtered light through the entrance to the rabbit warren next to me, so ...
Category Archives: My Big Bag of Issues
Sister Maria of the San Andreas Fault
Every few months, I revisit my half-cocked disaster plan. 'Plan' being code for a series of meandering, hyper-panicked thoughts. And the last time I focused vague energy on it was after Japan, so I'm overdue. I mean, it's a good thing the earthquake we had the other night reminded me by ...
Kegels For Dummies
It's time you did something about your muscle tone. No, not your triceps - although those could use some work too. I'm talking about your pubococcygeus muscles because people are starting to talk. And by people, I mean your OB. And maybe your husband. I mean, when was the last time you did the Contract & Relax Two-Step ...
Passive-Aggressive Inner Peace
Do your Sun Salutation. It's raining again. Om. Strike the Serenity Asana. Literal translation: The Pose of Resentment and Opposition To the Demands of Others. Please see: Anyone who asks me to do anything that I don't want to do. Also Preschool Field Trips. "Oh my god, what an amazing experience that would ...
Mothers Against Preschool Field Trips
He's so young. Only 2-1/2. You only want what's best for him. Mandarin lessons on Monday. Cello lesson on Wednesday. Peace in the Middle East. A little broccoli. A sunhat that stays on. For Tori and Dean to stop populating the world. For Michael Scott to return to Dunder Mifflin. And on the days when he's in preschool, what's ...
The Day I Shop At Chico’s…
Is the day I shop at J. Jill and Talbots and wear pantyhose to my weekly bridge club, when I'm not volunteering in the history room of the library, jealously guarding archival photographs and terrorizing children - CALL ME DOCENT OR DIE! It's the day the mustache on my upper lip becomes a problem and I tell the hairdresser, "Just set it, honey," returning home to ...
Subterranean Homesick Blues
Reality has become unmoored and I am battening down the hatches. Fortunately, I have a survival plan that involves potassium iodide pills, garlic, holy water, a stake, and silver bullets. Because after recent events in Japan, I wouldn't be surprised to find myself engaged in combat with mystical beings, fighting the forces of dark magic. It was ...
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